I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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