wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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