At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
