he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
