It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
