so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
