I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
