Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
