I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
