New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
