My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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