I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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