He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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