Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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