May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
