Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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