would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
