sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
