he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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