I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
