living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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