I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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