i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
