your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My cat gives me a boner
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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