T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
