No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
