i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
