Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
