I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
