For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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