I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
