She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
