hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
