With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
