I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
