Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
