Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
