be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize