Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
