The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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