i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
