I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We had sex on a dog bed..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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