Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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