Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
