youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
