i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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