Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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