I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
