i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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