cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
