Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
