He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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