How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had to cum in my sink.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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