Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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