Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
