we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
