you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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