I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
