she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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