It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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