I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
