Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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