you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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