3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
