If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
