I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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