i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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