I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just high enough for therapy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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