She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
FUCK WHALES
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
