Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Quick, to the slutcave!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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