census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it hurts more in the daytime
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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