My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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