Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize