It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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