4 words: hood of his car
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
